15.08.2022

A humorous description of a person's character. Characteristics of the guests Alexey and Alena. Alexei's grandmother - Zoya Petrovna

No matter how I avoid the unpleasant moments, in the end I am still drawn there to the beat of drums and from the front door!

For any person, even with the richest set good qualities, there will be some kind of problem. And there will definitely be people who will only see this bullshit, not realizing that they have robbed themselves.

Don't say that everything is fine with you - don't make people angry. Don’t say that everything is bad for you - don’t make your enemies happy. Talk less, let those around you sleep better.

The human brain is a unique mechanism. It works continuously, around the clock, from your birth until you buy a TV.

It is very difficult to find your dream job if your dream is to never work again in your life.

If Plan A doesn't work, then you have 32 more letters to try.

Most of all I hate my conscience: it’s an infection, it grumbles constantly. And also willpower - this one is generally hanging around somewhere.

A wise man once said: There are no unattainable goals, only a high coefficient of laziness, a lack of ingenuity and a stock of excuses. Still relevant.

There are aunts like aunts, There are uncles like uncles, There are people like people, There are whores like whores. But in life it sometimes happens differently: There are uncles like aunts, There are aunts like uncles, There are whores like people, And people like whores!

People want to lose weight, get rich, pump up, have sex, eat delicious food and have a blast. Nobody wants to get wiser.

I have a wonderful character, but everyone’s nerves are somehow weak.

I have a great job, an ideal relationship, a great city, a cozy apartment and a chic selection of tranquilizers.

Previously, life was bad, but there was a duty. Now we live well, but not enough. Apparently, we will die of happiness!

It's stupid when they say that a woman blossoms at a certain age. A woman blossoms with a certain man!

The real dignity of a man is when his manhood is not his only dignity...

I'm certainly not perfect. But it’s still a masterpiece!

The strongest walls are built of sadness and despondency. Because of them, the future is not visible.

Sometimes it seems to me that the pain in my ass is my inner core.

While you are going to lead a healthy lifestyle, there is no image, no life.

It's easier to be a woman. Just play around a little and you have everything. Being a man is more difficult. I've been a little naughty and you don't even have anything to eat.

“200 selected jokes from eku.ru”

Everyone is pleased to hear his Words that are close to his soul.

He told me and didn’t blink an eye.

A selection of really funny jokes about Vovochka from the site eku.ru

This collection presents the funniest jokes according to the site's editors.

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Aphorisms and phrases (7042)
Funny and cool aphorisms, phrases, sayings, quotes, sayings.
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Where to find options for cool characteristics of a person, preferably in verse

This is a poetic horoscope

If you are interested, write to soap. I’ll send the whole version, otherwise it won’t fit here...

Both Mozart and Salieri live in them at the same time.

They are honest. Hardworking. Methodical.

And at the same time - impressionable, dreamy, and very

Idealists. Their life is a search for Knowledge.

That the world is not perfect and reality is not Spirit, but Gold - in the vulgar

They prefer everything known.

They don't like changes. They are born tired and full of doubts.

Water - but more similar to gas.

In them the truth is invisible to the eye. They live their own special life,

Far from people, from the world of realism.

However, you are not always at peace with yourself,

Between the Suma and the Throne, the Throne and the Prison.

He will go through his life - loving just one.

He understands everyone - but not himself.

And yet the disadvantages: Duality and Laziness.

Evasiveness. Leaving life into the shadows. A touch of gloominess. Insanely tragic.

And the joy of a child - Delight and Naivety. Rossini, Michelangelo, Chopin,

Hugo, Caruso, Handel and Einstein,

And Washington, and Gorbachev, Steinbeck.

Everything is subject to the gods - both Worm and Man.

And when creating Pisces, they decided this - Let there be the most permanent and persistent sign,

It is impossible to persuade them, nor to tame them, they can only be defeated by force.

Sign - Genius. Sign of different interests.

They have a very sharp mind.

Doesn't like theatricality

But everyone is shocked, they are drawn to scandalousness.

Fighters for Truth, Justice.

Servants are FAITH. But vulgar and very bad manners.

Trusting. Religious and mystical.

Very tolerant and not oppressive. Undiscerning.

Sometimes they are very naive.

And the slogan matches them, just as childishly wondrous - “Don’t do like me, but

do as I tell you! ".

The difference between actions and words is very visible in them.

However - Air. Talkative. Cheerful and lively.

Stubborn and talkative, but not evil.

Promiscuity. Coldness and calculation.

But objectivity and collectivism are like a point in the test.

Here is Galileo, here is Burns, here is Byron, Edison, Jules-Verne, Maugham, Charles Darwin and

There is no jealousy in them - this is a clear plus.

But he is two-faced and will break any alliance.

And here's another thing - it's very inconvenient,

Because he must always be Free.

Medici Catherine and Zola.

Life is on the limit, life is on the rise.

Don't stop him, don't turn him around.

He - through all the obstacles - only with his forehead.

Ambitious. Stubborn. There is blood and fire in it.

Perky. Irritable. Furious.

He is one of the crusaders, he is also one of the atheists. Conqueror. Pioneer, Hero.

He is a despot. Rude. Brave. Wicked.

Leonardo da Vinci, Hitler and Chaplin, There is too much of everything in him.

There's not a drop of everything in it. Everything is over the edge.

Everything is to the limit. So that everything plays and boils.

Don’t argue with Aries - he will dare to kill, but then he will regret it.

It's not his fault. It’s just that it’s in him.

First - actions. Analyzes - later.

Of all the “fires”, it is the most fiery. Impatient.

Source:
Where to find options for cool characteristics of a person, preferably in verse
User Anyutka asked a question in the Computers, Communications category and received 3 answers
http://otvet.mail.ru/question/6481166

Cool characteristics of a person

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Humor and positivity. Three topics in one:

1. Assessment of zodiac signs from the Think-Say-Do position.

2. Behavior of signs after sex.

3. Life principles of the zodiac signs.

Taurus: He thinks about a lot. He says convincingly. He does it as best he can.

Twins: He thinks about himself. He says what he thinks. He does it and thinks it’s very good.

Cancer: He thinks - constantly. He says it’s tempting. He does whatever they tell him to do.

Lion: He thinks - exactly. He says it’s too much. He does something that he couldn’t get away from.

Virgo: He thinks one thing. He says something else. Does - the third, but well.

Scales: He thinks it’s too much. He says honestly. Does it responsibly.

Scorpion: He thinks - concentrated. He says exactly. He does what he likes.

Sagittarius: He thinks that it’s only him... He says that everyone except him... He does it with someone else’s hands.

Capricorn: He thinks what comes to mind. He says what he came up with. He does what he can.

Aquarius: He thinks, “What do you need?” He says, “well, if necessary.” He does it better than anyone else.

Fish: He thinks that no one knows. He says he's being clever. Does it, depending on whether the work will be checked.

Taurus: I'm hungry! Pass me the pizza!

Gemini: Where's the TV remote control?

Cancer: When will we get married?

Leo: Wasn't I great?

Virgo: Let me see the sheets

Libra: If you liked it, I liked it too

Scorpio: Perhaps now we can untie you

Sagittarius: Don't call me, I'll call you myself

Capricorn: Do you have a business card?

Aquarius: Now let's try WITHOUT clothes!

Pisces: So what do you say your name is?

Life principles of the zodiac signs.

Every joke, they say, has a grain of humor)))

1. It’s better not to argue with me.

2. First I’ll do it, then I’ll think about it.

3. Where others are slowing down, I step on the gas.

4. I will be forever young.

5. Do as I do, because you can’t do it better anyway.

6. The most difficult thing is to listen to your interlocutor to the end.

7. Stubbornness is not a vice.

8. It’s easy to control the situation, but it’s more difficult to control your emotions.

9. One Aries is good, two Aries is a lot.

10. I don’t attack first. But God forbid it hurts me.

1. I don’t mind the money for the purchase, I don’t mind the party.

2. I don’t need someone else’s, don’t touch mine.

3. A bad peace is better than a good quarrel.

4. Don’t disturb someone who is well seated.

5. A beautiful sofa is better than a beautiful sunset.

6. Food is a serious thing.

7. An affectionate calf sucks two queens.

8. When you ride second, you save energy.

9. I hate disposable lighters!

10. Taster - this is my true calling.

1. Today I am not the same as yesterday.

2. Whoever controls the situation owns the information.

3. One mind is good, but two are better, especially if both belong to the same person.

4. Figaro here, Figaro there.

5. The idea, like other products, should not be left behind.

6. One TV and telephone in the house is good, but three are better.

7. Those who didn’t have time are late.

8. I move through life like a scooter on water - I don’t go deep, but quickly.

9. At the bazaar I am not responsible for the bazaar.

10. I love quantity, because there is not enough time for quality.

1. My home is my castle.

2. Babysitting others is my true calling.

3. It would be nice to stock up on everything in the world, both patience and jam.

4. Everything comes to those who know how to wait.

5. Meet friends at home, not in a cafe.

6. Nothing warms the soul like the sight of a stocked refrigerator.

7. It’s better to save up, but buy a worthy thing.

8. It’s hard to live where there is nowhere to hide.

9. I carry my past with me like a backpack.

10. Is it really possible to wear out a coat in twenty years?

1. I will lead you into the bright distance.

2. It is better to give support than to receive it.

3. Pleasant manners are half the success.

4. The sun shines for Leos.

5. A beautiful sign on the office door is more important than a high salary.

6. I like to earn good money, and even more - to spend.

7. A grand piano in the house is better than a piano, even if there is no one to play it.

8. Despite my friendly appearance, I am a dictator at heart.

9. If you do it, do it big.

10. Why do you need the sun if I am with you.

1. Patience and work will grind everything down.

2. Modesty adorns not only the girl, but also the virgin.

3. Everyone lives for himself, but serves others.

4. Order is needed everywhere: both in thoughts and in the kitchen.

5. Prove to me strictly logically that we are created for each other.

6. A crooked shelf drives me crazy.

7. On a large scale, I get lost.

8. It’s difficult for me to remove pits from a whole bucket of cherries.

9. There is a cool lady in every Virgo.

10. The fly agaric definitely needs to be conspicuous, but the porcini mushroom is good enough.

1. Without a partner it’s like without hands.

2. The most disgusting thing is to argue.

3. Win by agreeing.

4. Only fools are principled.

5. I will involve anyone in anything.

6. Beauty will save the world.

7. Everything should be done according to the mood.

8. The hardest thing is to make a choice.

9. Not all “i”s need to be dotted.

10. I myself don’t know whether I’m for the whites or the reds.

1. It’s a pity there’s no one to sting.

2. Every event is like a sofa: it must have hidden springs.

3. There must be a serious reason for smiling.

4. You can free yourself from everything, but not from your own passions.

5. I sing a song of love on the battlefield. 6. Not everyone can stand my gaze.

7. My passions rarely come to the surface, like a shark that rarely swims to the surface.

8. The world is lost without knights.

9. There are still Othellas on earth!

10. I look like a cactus - my fabulous flower opens for the chosen few.

1. There must be many good people.

2. To whom I owe, I forgive everyone.

3. The best vacation is a trip around the world.

4. The main thing about the problem is its scale.

5. My ideal is Ivan Tsarevich.

6. It is impossible to be angry with me.

7. Remorse - what is it?

8. Commitment adorns only mediocre people.

9. It’s stupid to worry in advance; we’ll figure out the situation.

10. Not an obligatory person, he simply must be obligatory.

1. I am not a springer or even a stayer. I'm a marathon runner.

2. And there is one warrior in the field.

3. Don’t break the laws - someone else will get away with it, but you will be caught.

4. I need very little for myself. My possessions are simply a mirror of my successes.

5. Life is like a train that arrives at every station exactly on schedule.

6. It’s nice to talk about distant countries while sitting at home.

7. Real Capricorn, like cognac, is distinguished by its age.

8. It’s worth climbing to the top all your life just to spit down from there just once.

9. Only I get younger with age.

10. I’m going, I’m going, I’m not whistling, and when I get there, I won’t let go.

1. How boring it is to be like others!

2. If I invented you, become what I want.

3. Prejudices are for fools.

4. The future simply must be wonderful.

5. It’s hard to be an angel, but it’s necessary.

6. Good intentions are more important than good deeds.

7. To become an innovator, you must first forget about traditions.

8. Sex? There are more important things in life.

9. Friends first, and then family. if of course there is time.

10. There is no kinder me, no more cheerful me.

1. It is more important to sympathize than to help.

2. I can’t give up alcohol like a fish from water.

3. Order was invented by boring people.

4. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

5. You never know what I can promise.

6. Working in a hurry is like swallowing without chewing.

7. Ready to understand everyone, but not myself.

8. A willow bends in a storm, but an oak tree falls.

9. Everyone knows that I am always busy, but few people know what exactly.

10. Don’t put pressure on me, otherwise I’ll slip away like a fish out of your hands!

LET'S STEP ON THE RAKE:

Aries: having stepped on a rake, he will become so furious that he will break it, but in the process he will receive another five on the head with it.

Taurus: Will step on a rake over and over again until it breaks.

Gemini: they will be able to decide where to go only after they have stepped on all the mistakes.

Cancer: only this will make him take a step forward.

Leo: Will tell everyone how cool it is and advise everyone to do the same.

Virgo: will advance slowly and methodically. I am sure that if you act correctly, everything will work out.

Libra: they will doubt for a very long time, and, having made the only right decision, they will step on the biggest ones.

Scorpio: even if he notices that it happened, he is unlikely to think about it.

Sagittarius: he will definitely try to take revenge and attack again.

Capricorn: having stepped on a rake, he will understand that he has stepped on it, but this is unlikely to mean anything.

Aquarius: he will only step on the rake that he likes.

Pisces: they will blame themselves for this all their lives. The only consolation is that thanks to them, no one else stepped on the rake.

Source:
Cool characteristics of a person
Quote from Jiva108 Read in full To your quote book or community! Funny things about zodiac signs Humor and positivity. Three topics in one: 1. Assessment of zodiac signs from the Think-Say-Do position. 2. Behavior of signs after sex. 3. Life...
http://www.liveinternet.ru/users/4199753/post251853913

Funny characteristics of zodiac signs

Funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Cool characteristics of the zodiac signs in verse

Nowadays it is hardly possible to find a person who has not read horoscopes. But in our age of science, not everyone trusts astrology, although in many ways it turns out to be accurate. But the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs may well interest even the most hardened skeptics. You can pass the time by reading humorous horoscopes, have fun in company, and even learn the basics of astrology. A light humorous form, aptly emphasizing the main qualities of each sign, is quite helpful in this interesting matter.

All cool characteristics The signs of the zodiac agree on one thing: you won’t be able to find a more stubborn debater than this capricious and stubborn lamb.

Aries hates everyday routine, but he will be happy to hang around and give out his innovative ideas incessantly. It's almost impossible to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. But there is one little trick. Say that the other person will do it better. At this point, Aries will smash itself into pieces to prove its leadership and superiority.

The fiery nature of Aries is marked by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. In terms of the time that this person is willing to spend on conquering the object of his passion, he has no equal. A ram, he is also a ram in Africa, going straight through the jungle. Aries in this matter can even be called a rocket - he acts instantly, assertively, and it is simply unrealistic to get rid of his advances. “You are attractive, I am damn attractive, so why waste time” - this is his motto in love.

Here he is, a worthy competitor to Aries in terms of stubbornness. This will be confirmed to you not only by ordinary horoscopes, but also by any funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Moreover, to the enviable tenacity comes as a “bonus” fierce conservatism. Try to get a Taurus to throw out some of the outdated household trash and you will understand. Whether it’s a damaged CD, a notebook left over from school, or torn sneakers, it doesn’t matter. For him, all these things are valuable. And Taurus are also terrible bores: listening to their endless teachings, you can not only fall asleep, but also snore.

Representatives of this constellation are closed individuals. It's easier to talk to a wall than to talk to a Taurus. At least you'll hear a hum when you knock on it. In the case of Taurus, the afterlife silence and ringing silence will remain.

Taurus's attitude towards love is the same as towards things - the more money and time he spent pursuing you, the more valuable you will be to him. And don’t expect originality in courtship - Taurus’s conservatism also extends to amorous matters.

They are easy in deeds and thoughts. The twins are from that breed of people who will advocate “for any kind of kipish, except for a hunger strike.” As noted by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, in terms of date of birth and character, these individuals fully correspond to eccentric individuals who have a whole company of winds walking in their heads.

Gemini's love of chatter is truly catastrophic for those who are not Geminis themselves. They can not stop talking for many hours, completely oblivious to the reactions of others. It seems that even at his own wake, Gemini will rise from the coffin and tell the fainting guests an appropriate joke on the topic.

The laziness of these individuals is as legendary as their conversational skills. Due to the reluctance to delve into a topic and study it for a long time, they superficially describe this or that phenomenon, picking up a little of everything. The ideal profession for them is one that will help them earn a million instantly and without unnecessary movements. Oh yes, Geminis need a lot of money, because they spend it as easily and naturally as they chat on the phone.

The natures are intelligent, soft and romantic, even if they look like a stale loaf, a brutal lout or an uncouth hillbilly. When watching non-children's films of an erotic nature, they always secretly hope that in the end the main characters will get married.

A funny characterization of the zodiac signs compares Cancers to their namesakes from the animal world. Like them, representatives of this constellation, if they take a careful step forward, then immediately run back. They are indecisive types who, because of their caution, are afraid to even change - you never know what’s on the other person’s mind.

It is undesirable to joke sparklingly in the presence of Cancer, because these people are sentimental and can get upset even because of light humor directed at them or their loved ones. Satire about animals is a strict taboo. They would rather survive an earthquake and tsunami than endure dark humor about unfortunate dogs and cats. You should also joke about love affairs more carefully and preferably in a romantic way - then Cancer will tell the story that amused him to everyone for a long time.

The one and only king of beasts. He is proud and dignified, even if he finds himself locked in a cage at the zoo. The wild cries of nearby animals do not interest him - he is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. If we consider the main characteristics of the zodiac signs, the funny description highlights the royalty of this person, whose arrogance, it seems, no trouble can knock down.

What is good for Leo himself is not very fun and pleasant for his loved ones, because he requires treatment worthy of status. In his opinion, those around him should be glad that His Highness is nearby. The lion's aura is capable of eclipsing everything around with its radiance, painting even a muddy swamp with all the colors of the rainbow.

However, sometimes the whirlpool of events that Leo generates around himself may end up with something completely different from what he would like. What can you do, such is the strength of the royal will. Do you want to recognize a Leo in your environment? Listen to the manner of conversation: the use of the pronoun “I” by this type will exceed all possible limits. Not such a bad quality in our age for a person who wants to make a dizzying career, would you agree?

A true proof that appearances can be deceiving are the representatives of this constellation. It would seem that when we hear the word “virgin” our imagination pictures us of a sweet, fragile and vulnerable creature who sits at home doing needlework. Astrologers who compose the characteristics of the zodiac signs disagree with this idea. The funny irony of fate is that in reality things are “a little” different. Instead of a sensitive friend, a supporter during difficult times, a comrade-in-arms in all endeavors, Virgo could easily turn out to be... a serial killer. Yes, yes, statistics claim that most maniacs were born under this zodiac sign (what else can you expect from such neat and tidy people?).

Virgo can easily use her ability to adapt to the environment and always be an emphatically polite and correct person to achieve the desired goal. Before you even have time to blink an eye, she is already sitting on the right hand of the director. But he will never show sympathy to the object of his love until he is convinced of the reciprocity of feelings and prospects. But then, even having received a refusal, he will wait patiently: suddenly something will change.

Whatever the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, over the years and months they all precisely determine one thing: this sign fully lives up to its name. Libra people are constantly in search of mental balance, and therefore do not pay any attention to the material world. Let someone else deal with everyday problems, be it cooking, washing or cleaning, while Libra has more sublime things to do.

People of this sign are always thrown in different directions. Having quickly caught fire with a new idea, they will throw all available resources into making it happen. They will involve a lot of people and create an event of national scale, but halfway through they will get tired of it all. They will quietly move away, leaving others to clean up the mess they have made.

Libra's inconstancy also extends to love affairs. Moreover, this state is so familiar to them that after betrayal they will not even be tormented by their conscience. They are not at all attempting to destroy the family, but they are having an affair. This means they are worthy of forgiveness.

These are real poisonous infections. Funny characteristics of the zodiac signs in poetry and prose glorify their ability to break the hearts of everyone who comes within sight. We must thank for this the natural charm of Scorpios and their ability to seduce. This sign has the ability to constantly fall in love with someone, and every time “to the grave.” The object of attention will immediately be confronted with this fact. It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to get away from Scorpio’s original advances, and you won’t even want to - he’s a subtle psychologist and will certainly be able to find a path to the heart of his beloved (or lover).

Scorpios are leaders from birth and are smart beyond their years. If a representative of this sign has chosen a goal for himself, then no matter how difficult it is to achieve, he will go towards it with fundamental stubbornness. And even if you have to destroy everything that gets in your way, this will not stop Scorpio. But build new world after the chaos caused, he will be just as enthusiastic.

People of this zodiac sign always achieve their goals, even if this does not happen right away. A funny description of the zodiac signs advises looking at their symbol: everything will immediately become clear. Only if others get what they want thanks to perseverance and hard work, Sagittarius is helped in this by a fair wind, which directs the fired arrows exactly to the bull's eye.

By nature, Sagittarians are true philanthropists. They are always trying to take pity on everyone and feed the suffering (and it doesn’t matter what the recipients themselves think). Their motto is “who else but me?” Employers take advantage of this. Well, Sagittarius won’t mind if you load him with a lot of work. You just need to hint that it is very important for the company that everything gets done. And how exactly - Sagittarius himself will be able to find a way.

But you shouldn’t openly offend Sagittarius. No, they are not vindictive at all, just evil, and they have an excellent memory. They will remind you of all the misunderstandings since kindergarten. And, in general, they will easily speak the truth to your face, at the risk of getting punched in your own face.

This is a pendulum man who always balances between two extremes, as stated by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Children of this sign are characterized by adult seriousness and thoroughness. Capricorn does not part with these qualities even in old age. He throws himself headlong into work, as if into a pool, and it will be simply unrealistic to get him out. He will spend all his mental and physical strength even on a task that is obviously impossible. However, if Capricorn is impatient to go on a spree, then he will devote himself completely to this activity, having uncontrollable fun until complete degradation. It is possible to save him from a sad fate only if he manages to divert attention to something more interesting.

Capricorns are incorrigible pessimists. If he is convinced that everyone around him is a creeping bastard who has come to success over his head or through his bed, then even if he has a stake on his head, he still won’t be convinced.

Verbose spills out of Aquarius like water from a tap. If anyone is able to withstand this flow for a long time and even be an interesting conversationalist, it’s Gemini. Perhaps we can still argue who will talk to whom in the end.

Love for Aquarius is, first of all, romance: walks under the moon, seeing the dawn. Get ready to conquer ancient ruins shrouded in secrets with him - this is an indispensable attribute of courtship for him. According to the cool characteristics of the zodiac signs, such a person has no equal in poetry and serenades. Aquarius women are accustomed to following the dictates of their hearts. If it tells you that you should be together, wait for her on the doorstep with your suitcases.

What do Aquarians value most? Of course, personal space. They are ready to build a three-meter wall around themselves, as long as no one touches them, if they want to be alone. And no siege will help - Aquarius has made the necessary supply of cookies and will live for a long time and not bother in his cozy little world.

If anyone is capable of creating an alternative fictional reality out of nothing for themselves and those around them, it is Pisces. Moreover, for them the fantasy world will be as real as our usual one. They can easily convince anyone of this. Baron Munchausen, for example, according to the characteristics of the zodiac signs, is a funny dreamer fish, an inexperienced and timid fry, a faded egg.

Ask this person for anything - to water flowers in your absence, to write a diploma for you - he will certainly hurt himself, but will fulfill the request. He's such an altruist, there's nothing you can do about it. In love, Pisces are shy and cautious; they will beat around the bush for a long time before taking a step forward. “Vanilla” is about them: sad sighs, touching gifts, awkwardness and tears at night, and, most importantly, all thoughts are only about him (or her). So if you are ready to take the Pisces who is in love with you and lead her by the elbow in the right direction (and then kick her forward for the rest of her life), go for it.

Funny things about zodiac signs

Humor and positivity. Three topics in one:
1. Assessment of zodiac signs from the Think-Say-Do position.
2. Behavior of signs after sex.
3. Life principles of the zodiac signs.

Aries: He thinks - a lot. He says it’s not enough. He does it right.
Taurus: He thinks about a lot. He says convincingly. He does it as best he can.
Twins: He thinks about himself. He says what he thinks. He does it and thinks it’s very good.
Cancer: He thinks - constantly. He says it’s tempting. He does whatever they tell him to do.
Lion: He thinks - exactly. He says it’s too much. He does something that he couldn’t get away from.
Virgo: He thinks one thing. He says something else. Does - the third, but well.
Scales: He thinks it’s too much. He says honestly. Does it responsibly.
Scorpion: He thinks - concentrated. He says exactly. He does what he likes.
Sagittarius: He thinks that it’s only him... He says that everyone except him... He does it with someone else’s hands.
Capricorn: He thinks what comes to mind. He says what he came up with. He does what he can.
Aquarius: He thinks, “What do you need?” He says, “well, if necessary.” He does it better than anyone else.
Fish: He thinks that no one knows. He says he's being clever. Does it, depending on whether the work will be checked.

After sex. Jokes about zodiac signs

Aries: Okay, here we go again!
Taurus: I'm hungry! Pass me the pizza!
Gemini: Where's the TV remote control?
Cancer: When will we get married?
Leo: Wasn't I great?
Virgo: Let me see the sheets
Libra: If you liked it, I liked it too
Scorpio: Perhaps now we can untie you
Sagittarius: Don't call me, I'll call you myself
Capricorn: Do you have a business card?
Aquarius: Now let's try WITHOUT clothes!
Pisces: So what do you say your name is?

Life principles of the zodiac signs.
Every joke, they say, has a grain of humor)))

Aries:
1. It’s better not to argue with me.
2. First I’ll do it, then I’ll think about it.
3. Where others are slowing down, I step on the gas.
4. I will be forever young.
5. Do as I do, because you can’t do it better anyway.
6. The most difficult thing is to listen to your interlocutor to the end.
7. Stubbornness is not a vice.
8. It’s easy to control the situation, but it’s more difficult to control your emotions.
9. One Aries is good, two Aries is a lot.
10. I don’t attack first. But God forbid it hurts me.

Taurus:
1. I don’t mind the money for the purchase, I don’t mind the party.
2. I don’t need someone else’s, don’t touch mine.
3. A bad peace is better than a good quarrel.
4. Don’t disturb someone who is well seated.
5. A beautiful sofa is better than a beautiful sunset.
6. Food is a serious thing.
7. An affectionate calf sucks two queens.
8. When you ride second, you save energy.
9. I hate disposable lighters!
10. Taster - this is my true calling.

Twins:
1. Today I am not the same as yesterday.
2. Whoever controls the situation owns the information.
3. One mind is good, but two are better, especially if both belong to the same person.
4. Figaro here, Figaro there.
5. The idea, like other products, should not be left behind.
6. One TV and telephone in the house is good, but three are better.
7. Those who didn’t have time are late.
8. I move through life like a scooter on water - I don’t go deep, but quickly.
9. At the bazaar I am not responsible for the bazaar.
10. I love quantity, because there is not enough time for quality.

Cancer:
1. My home is my fortress.
2. Babysitting for others is my true calling.
3. It would be nice to stock up on everything in the world, both patience and jam.
4. Everything comes to those who know how to wait.
5. Meet friends at home, not in a cafe.
6. Nothing warms the soul like the sight of a stocked refrigerator.
7. It’s better to save up, but buy a worthy thing.
8. It’s hard to live where there is nowhere to hide.
9. I carry my past with me like a backpack.
10. Is it really possible to wear out a coat in twenty years?

Lion:
1. I will lead you into the bright distance.
2. It is better to give support than to receive it.
3. Pleasant manners are half the success.
4. The sun shines for Leos.
5. A beautiful sign on the office door is more important than a high salary.
6. I like to earn good money, and even more - to spend.
7. A grand piano in the house is better than a piano, even if there is no one to play it.
8. Despite my friendly appearance, I am a dictator at heart.
9. If you do it, do it big.
10. Why do you need the sun if I’m with you????

Virgo:
1. Patience and work will grind everything down.
2. Modesty adorns not only the girl, but also the virgin.
3. Everyone lives for himself, but serves others.
4. Order is needed everywhere: both in thoughts and in the kitchen.
5. Prove to me strictly logically that we are created for each other.
6. A crooked shelf drives me crazy.
7. On a large scale, I get lost.
8. It’s difficult for me to remove pits from a whole bucket of cherries.
9. There is a cool lady in every Virgo.
10. The fly agaric definitely needs to be conspicuous, but the porcini mushroom is good enough.

Scales:
1. Without a partner it’s like without hands.
2. The most disgusting thing is to argue.
3. Win by agreeing.
4. Only fools are principled.
5. I will involve anyone in anything.
6. Beauty will save the world.
7. Everything should be done according to the mood.
8. The hardest thing is to make a choice.
9. Not all “i”s need to be dotted.
10. I myself don’t know whether I’m for the whites or the reds.

Scorpion:
1. It’s a pity there’s no one to sting.
2. Every event is like a sofa: it must have hidden springs.
3. There must be a serious reason for smiling.
4. You can free yourself from everything, but not from your own passions.
5. I sing a song of love on the battlefield. 6. Not everyone can stand my gaze.
7. My passions rarely come to the surface, like a shark that rarely swims to the surface.
8. The world is lost without knights.
9. There are still Othellas on earth!
10. I look like a cactus - my fabulous flower opens for the chosen few.

Sagittarius
1. There must be many good people.
2. To whom I owe, I forgive everyone.
3. The best vacation is a trip around the world.
4. The main thing about the problem is its scale.
5. My ideal is Ivan Tsarevich.
6. It is impossible to be angry with me.
7. Remorse - what is it?
8. Commitment adorns only mediocre people.
9. It’s stupid to worry in advance; we’ll figure out the situation.
10. Not an obligatory person, he simply must be obligatory.

Capricorn:
1. I am not a springer or even a stayer. I'm a marathon runner.
2. And there is one warrior in the field.
3. Don’t break the laws - someone else will get away with it, but you will be caught.
4. I need very little for myself. My property is simply a mirror of my successes.
5. Life is like a train that arrives at every station exactly on schedule.
6. It’s nice to talk about distant countries while sitting at home.
7. Real Capricorn, like cognac, is distinguished by its age.
8. It’s worth climbing to the top all your life just to spit down from there just once.
9. Only I get younger with age.
10. I’m on my way, I’m on my way, I don’t whistle, and when I get there, I won’t let go.

Aquarius:
1. How boring it is to be like others!
2. If I invented you, become what I want.
3. Prejudices are for fools.
4. The future simply must be wonderful.
5. It is difficult to be an angel, but it is necessary.
6. Good intentions are more important than good deeds.
7. To become an innovator, you must first forget about traditions.
8. Sex? There are more important things in life.
9. Friends first, and then family... if, of course, there is time.
10. There is no kinder me, no more cheerful me.

Fish:
1. It is more important to sympathize than to help.
2. I can’t give up alcohol like a fish from water.
3. Order was invented by boring people.
4. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
5. You never know what I can promise...
6. Working in a hurry is the same as swallowing without chewing.
7. Ready to understand everyone, but not myself.
8. A willow bends in a storm, but an oak tree falls.
9. Everyone knows that I am always busy, but few people know what exactly.
10. Don’t put pressure on me, otherwise I’ll slip away like a fish out of your hands!
Source /www.liveinternet.ru/users/in-light/post209299345/>
LET'S STEP ON THE RAKE:
Aries: having stepped on a rake, he will become so furious that he will break it, but in the process he will receive another five on the head with it.
Taurus: Will step on a rake over and over again until it breaks.
Gemini: they will be able to decide where to go only after they have stepped on all the mistakes.
Cancer: only this will make him take a step forward.
Leo: Will tell everyone how cool it is and advise everyone to do the same.
Virgo: will advance slowly and methodically. I am sure that if you act correctly, everything will work out.
Libra: they will doubt for a very long time, and, having made the only right decision, they will step on the biggest ones.
Scorpio: even if he notices that it happened, he is unlikely to think about it.
Sagittarius: he will definitely try to take revenge and attack again.
Capricorn: having stepped on a rake, he will understand that he has stepped on it, but this is unlikely to mean anything.
Aquarius: he will only step on the rake that he likes.
Pisces: they will blame themselves for this all their lives. The only consolation is that thanks to them, no one else stepped on the rake.

Valeria Zhilyaeva

A wedding is an event where it can be especially interesting and fun. So that the invitees are not embarrassed by the fact that they do not know each other, it is recommended to prepare cool characteristics of the guests at the wedding. This will help defuse the situation, lift everyone’s spirits and spend a gala evening in a relaxed atmosphere.

When compiling descriptions of guests for a wedding, you must not forget about the rules of etiquette. However, presenting the form “last name, first name, patronymic, degree of relationship with the heroes of the occasion” will be boring. Better come up with more original wording in prose or poetry.

First of all, you should pay attention attention to newlyweds. To describe them, you will need to know in advance the facts about the bride and groom, the history of their acquaintance, hobbies, etc. It is also possible to have a presentation where the newlyweds talk about themselves.

The characteristics of the bride at the wedding should be positive and interesting. If all the guests on her side know what qualities and talents she has, then those invited from the groom’s side need to find out why this particular girl became the chosen one of their relative or friend.

The description should tell about the real features of the bride

In order not to invent anything, you should make a list of the bride’s qualities in advance. To do this, you need to contact the newlyweds themselves and their closest relatives and friends.

Guests greet the bride

You can prepare in advance " technical passport” of the bride and introduce her to the guests in a light comic form. To draw up a “document,” you need to find out what characteristics the bride has (many books read, master of sports, ability to sing, draw, play chess, etc.).

You should start with her descriptions. For example:

height is suitable;
eyes - all-seeing;
hair – natural;
mind – included;
the figure is breathtaking;
hand - heavy;
The character is golden, and therefore heavy.

Guests meet at a wedding

An example of a groom's characteristics for a wedding

It is logical to introduce the bride's companion and main the culprit of the event. The description of the groom at the wedding is prepared similarly to the description of the bride.

The character traits and abilities of the groom for the description should be known in advance

The qualities of the groom can also be expressed in the form technical passport , which will remain with the couple as a keepsake after the wedding. Approximate characteristic main qualities newlywed:

growth is decent;
character – patient, enduring;
physique – moderately well-fed;
age – full bloom of strength;
mind – sharp;
eyes – kind, cheerful;
hair – yes (the exact amount could not be determined).

Next, you can list the groom’s special qualities, mention that he has real estate or a car, and talk about his profession. In a comic form, they write in the “passport” terms of Use(feed on time and tasty, keep under supervision, etc.), and also Manufacturers' warranties(for example, that a ready-to-use husband cannot be returned or exchanged).

Presentation of the groom at the wedding

If you have the ability to write poetry, this option will be interesting poetic performance bride and groom. Such poems can be made to order. To do this, you should prepare a description of the newlyweds, their personal qualities and special abilities.

Characteristics of parents at the wedding

After the newlyweds are introduced, the baton passes to parents. Agree, these are the most important people at a wedding after the bride and groom.

The presentation of parents should be special - these are guests of honor

Parents can be presented in prose or poetry. The speech must imply gratitude and respect to the older generation for being able to raise worthy men and women.

In your presentation, start from hobby dads or moms, them character or professions. The style in which you meet your parents depends on what they consider acceptable. This point should be discussed in advance. If, for example, the groom’s mother and father are serious, intelligent people, then a comic performance will not be appropriate.

Characteristics of dad for a wedding it could be like this: “Young at heart, a football fan, courageous and stern due to his profession - he teaches strength of materials. I ask you to love and favor me, Georgy Petrovich, the father of the beautiful bride.” The groom's dad also needs an introduction. For example, the following text: “This noble man has always been an example for our groom. He is brave and strong - he serves in the FSB. He loves hockey and knows everything about fishing rods and bait. We present the groom’s father, Vasily Viktorovich.”

Presentation of parents at the wedding

Mothers of newlyweds need to be complimented. This will cheer them up. However, do not allow outright flattery - let it be a couple of succinct and truthful words.

The characteristics of the groom’s mother, for example, could be like this: “ Beautiful and elegant woman, who could easily solve the problem near the Tower of Babel, since she is a professional translator. She also taught our groom to talk, walk and hold cutlery. So, the groom’s mother is Valentina Andreevna.”

Characteristics of the mother of the bride: “ Sociable and optimistic, who cannot imagine life without a dacha and a vegetable garden. This woman is also brilliantly versed in raising children, as she is an educational psychologist. We can verify this by looking at the bride. Ladies and gentlemen, the mother of our newlywed is Galina Timofeevna.”

In this way, you can introduce the newlyweds’ dearest people. Watch the video for an option to meet parents in epigrams:

The list of guests with characteristics should begin with a description of the wedding friends and close relatives. There are several ways to introduce your guests.

Funny text introducing friends should not offend them or make fun of their shortcomings

If there are a lot of people, it is impossible to introduce them to each other. In this case, you can immediately run dating game. The toastmaster can take turns calling guests who have one and the same characteristic(for example, a name starting with “A” or the presence of a certain item or color in clothing). Everyone who comes out introduces themselves, and then they congratulate the newlyweds or participate in the competition.

When there are not very many people, it is a good idea to voice the name and brief description of the guest in a comic form. To create a short description you need to carry out quick interview, in which you need to find out:

connection with the bride or groom (studied together, neighbors, etc.);
profession;
personal qualities or preferences;
talents.

Let's give examples brief description guests in prose.

“A racing driver with many years of experience, a classmate of the groom and simply an excellent surgeon. Meet Alexey!”

“The queen of debit and credit, a resilient beauty, a wonderful financial director and a devoted friend of the bride. Ladies and gentlemen, Natalia!

Introducing friends at a wedding

Funny and humorous characteristics of people can be presented in poetic form. This requires creativity and a little humor. For example:

“This guest doesn’t drink with us.
We'll offer him compote
And let's ask for a toast,
Wish you love and prosperity.

We say physical education - hello -
Let the athlete rise.
He has been friends with his fiancé since childhood.
Meet Artem Voronov.”

You can find out each other's names using musical compositions. This is exactly how the toastmaster conducted the introduction in the video. To take advantage of his idea, it is necessary to clarify the list of invitees by name in advance and select appropriate songs. However, this is only feasible if there are few guests.

Funny characteristics and descriptions of relatives

And of course, don’t forget about relatives newlyweds. They should also be given a little attention and introduced to other guests.

Characteristic godmotherand godfather should be announced immediately after the parents. They should also be introduced by “first name and patronymic” and indicate the merits in the life of the bride and groom. The introduction can be the same as meeting mom and dad. Must be given brief description hobbies And personal qualities godparents.

Immediate family also includes brothers and sisters newlyweds. They can be presented in a comic form, taking into account the relationship of the bride and groom with them in childhood and now. If a brother and sister have already created their own family, they need to be represented together with their spouses and children.

Comic performance of relatives at a wedding

Characteristics of the sister for the wedding should show her unique qualities. For example: “Always next to the bride, I went through fire, water and copper pipes with her. Like no one knows how to empathize and support. She can also massage the tongue and knows how to teach a child to growl. Speech therapist and part-time sister of the bride – Alla.”

Brother's characteristics It could be like this: “This is Pavel – the groom’s brother. Loves the speed and noise of the engine. There are rumors that Pavel overtook Michael Schumacher himself, but just before the finish he deliberately gave in to him so as not to offend him.”

When representing your relatives, build on their personal qualities and characteristics. Remember their help and care shown in a timely manner. Characteristics always have an individual character.

Characterization of guests at a wedding is a fun event, the purpose of which is to introduce all those invited to the wedding of the bride and groom. Acquaintance can take place in the form of a game, epigrams, a musical performance or in some other way. The main thing is not to cross the line of what is permitted and not to offend the guests.

July 31, 2018, 11:31 pm

Nowadays it is hardly possible to find a person who has not read horoscopes. But in our age of science, not everyone trusts astrology, although in many ways it turns out to be accurate. But a funny characterization may well interest even the most hardened skeptics. You can pass the time by reading humorous horoscopes, have fun in company, and even learn the basics of astrology. A light humorous form, aptly emphasizing the main qualities of each sign, is quite helpful in this interesting matter.

Aries

All the cool characteristics of the zodiac signs agree on one thing: you won’t be able to find a more stubborn debater than this capricious and stubborn lamb.

Taurus

Twins

Cancer

Lion

The one and only He is proud and majestic, even if he finds himself locked in a zoo cage. The wild cries of nearby animals do not interest him - he is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. If we consider the main characteristics of the zodiac signs, the funny description highlights the royalty of this person, whose arrogance, it seems, no trouble can knock down.

Virgo

Scales

Scorpion

Scorpios are leaders from birth and are smart beyond their years. If a representative of this sign has chosen a goal for himself, then no matter how difficult it is to achieve, he will go towards it with fundamental stubbornness. And even if you have to destroy everything that gets in your way, this will not stop Scorpio. But he will build a new world after the chaos with the same enthusiasm.

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

What do Aquarians value most? Of course, They are ready to build a three-meter wall around themselves, as long as no one touches them, if they want to be alone. And no siege will help - Aquarius has made the necessary supply of cookies and will live for a long time and not bother in his cozy little world.

Fish

Aries (March 21 - April 20)
Decoration of the sign - attacks of bad mood and selfishness.

Aries men are confident in their Sexual Professionalism and therefore adore sex. They go crazy in bed, if you manage to get there, of course. Good news for you - Aries can do anything in bed - he still sees only himself and tries in the same right direction, but get ready to copulate with him in the elevator, bus and in the cinema. Look carefully into the eyes of your Aries friend - the person is already exhausted. Because of this, many older young ladies consider Aries a real paradise for the fair sex. If he doesn’t have enough sex, then he becomes vulgar and all his thoughts are occupied with only one thing: how to fuck someone. Aries's own opinion on any (even unfamiliar) subject will be defended by him to the last. Even if he himself knows that he is wrong, he will argue and swear out of principle. Aries loser is a bore and a grumbler, someone you should stay away from. Among the advantages of Aries, we should mention recklessness, adventurism and love for dubious scams. One of the cute habits is to disappear for a while, and then suddenly appear at the most unfortunate moment, ringing the doorbell without warning, or on the phone, when everyone has been asleep for a long time.

Well-mannered Sheep are straightforward and unceremonious in close communication. They love to fuck, push men around and read romantic porn. In the morning, the Sheep can easily pretend that it was not she who screamed yesterday during orgasm and, it seems, you are strangers. If he falls in love, then only without memory. If a man is intellectually inferior to her, then most likely things will not come to bed because of Ovensha’s contempt for the stupid gentleman. In anger or resentment, she will do any stupid thing - including cheating with the first handsome guy she meets. He is capricious like a child, crying and stamping his feet. For the sake of good sex, a chaste Sheep will easily leave good man, but will tolerate the antics of some cretin if only he completely satisfies her. Confident in their unwritten beauty, Aries rarely overuse cosmetics. Expect violent sexual turmoil, jealousy, betrayal and showdowns, in general, you will not regret it. An affair with an Aries is an excellent exercise for strengthening your damaged psyche. Aries girls are liked by weak men because they themselves are very strong and can do without male support more easily than anyone else.

The Taurus man thinks to himself: “Unlike some, I can achieve everything anyway if I want. Why bother in vain?” A sense of humor is not valued by these slow-moving people, which is why they often become the butt of jokes from their many friends, which they deeply hate in their hearts. It's nice that Taurus are too lazy to get angry. Some bad habit (for example, breaking fingers or fiercely picking their ears) brightens up their long thoughts about how to save money. Taurus is a copycat. And he imitates those who have achieved greater success, and what he acquired back in early childhood considers this point of view to be the only correct one. Forever. The ideal woman is his mother. The ideal of a family is his family. If a Taurus starts drinking or (if more advanced) taking drugs, then it’s not easy for him to stop. So they should stay away from everything good. Idyll of Taurus: like a trophy seal, he lies on the sofa near the TV, leisurely chewing or sipping, thoughtfully fiddling with his hair.

Have you contacted a polygamous Taurus Woman? You are terribly lucky and the boredom will end! Her feigned calm will soon turn into a scene with breaking dishes on your beautiful head. They themselves are then scared to what extent they become brutal. If you screw up, it won't be easy to beg her forgiveness. Between us, Taurus women, just like all of us, are no strangers to obsessive thoughts about sex (they get bored with one man), which they clumsily cover up with banal romantic tales. In moments free from scandals and worries, they like to gossip. In other words, if you would like to have a strong family and a bunch of children, look for a huge Taurus Woman and get ready for happiness. Try to underfeed her a little and not give her everything so that she doesn’t lose interest in sex and life. You will have a good time together.

Always clean and tidy, Geminis are the leaders among perverts and informals because of their desire to try everything. They masterfully torment their loved ones and friends in fits of bad mood. They tend to be constantly absorbed in some (and always different) Idea. In addition, Geminis are great philosophers and their own thoughts usually lead them into a dead end. Geminis must deceive and be deceived. If they know what it is, then they suffer from claustrophobia to a greater or lesser extent.

Geminis always hang out from place to place, changing friends, professions, despising schedules. They love to fool people, stir things up and make fun of people. Conceit on the highest level, although they can list their shortcomings for hours. Don't try to win a verbal battle with them - they have a great tongue. Don’t be offended by their cruel jokes, it’s all a complete circus - in fact, envious Geminis think much worse about you. Like a true friend, Gemini will immediately call you when he needs your help or a car. Property slips through your fingers, the future with them is unreliable, but the present is funny. Beware if your partner is a Gemini: if he is not with you right now, he is probably flirting with your girlfriend in the next room. After your Gemini boyfriend, men will seem a little fresh to you for a long time.

Although Geminis tend to fuck with anyone in their youth, they are generally considered cold. They fall in love easily, but love is not enough, it carries you somewhere past. It happens that they also become attached to people, if there is no one else. Their new ideas and eccentric antics will drive any greedy Capricorn or sleepy Taurus crazy. With them you could make all your vile sexual dreams come true, if only you could fulfill at least a quarter of their mercantile fantasies. Rarely telling the truth face to face, Geminis prefer to speak in half-hints if there is no way to simply lie. The loss of her boyfriend awakens Gemini's sportive interest in getting him back, and the disappearance of her favorite hairpin makes her hysterical. Spiritual intimacy and money are more important to her than sex, but she will willingly sleep with a man she likes (even if her husband or boyfriend is sleeping in the next room). Like any ideal life partner, Gemini prefers career to management. household.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
The decoration of the sign is hypocrisy and isolation. The mood changes depending on the Moon and the wind, mostly towards the worse. Their deep inner world still remains a mystery to everyone, including, of course, the crayfish themselves.

Cancer is eloquent, lazy, but erotic. Favorite sexual fantasy is rape. Always with money, but at the same time whines. He considers women inferior, but prefers young ones. At the same time, he is interested in everyone else, without exception (except for the disabled and ugly), and at the same time he imagines a lot of things. Ask him about this on occasion... He tends to become attached to one, renegotiates it for a long time and then painfully experiences the breakup (sometimes even for a whole month). If he is contradicted, he may become furious and even briefly blush with anger. In anger one becomes a little unpleasant. No one will play you such an insulted “virtue” when in fact it is to blame, like Cancer. He gets entangled in three pines himself and at the same time confuses everyone around him. A typical mama's boy - as mom said, so it will be. In general, good luck, ladies (and gentlemen?).

There is nothing more boring and whiny than the gentle Cancer Woman. If you feel sorry for her, the snot will spread to her knees. Drinking psychiatrists are scratching their heads over her collection of complexes and prejudices. She is terrified of criticism, especially if they make fun of her at the same time. Just one hint of insufficient interest in her - and Rakinya is in the abyss of such depressions that neither Pisces nor Scorpios have ever dreamed of... However, do not think that this is a weak woman - she is not only vengeful and touchy, but also loves (and knows how) to play on our weaknesses, dear! And she achieves considerable success in this matter... In sex, she is aroused by the role of an innocent girl who is possessed by a dissolute man. And also, don’t swear at her uselessly - in this case you can achieve something only with affection.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Leos love life, love to sleep, spend money and consider themselves unsurpassed, suffering in the pornography around them. Leos are terribly proud of the fact that they are Leos, and not some Pisces or anything else.

The arrogant Leo is too generous to remember insults or promises. After all, he is a true Man of the Word (since he speaks almost all the time), and he will definitely fulfill his promise, if he does not forget. Proud Leo does not like conflicts, but has a talent for getting into all sorts of troubles and stories. The worst thing Leo can do is bark, and his happiness is to play big in the casino. In bed he always tries to prove that he is the most tireless lover. Or maybe that’s how it is, the flattered, pretty girls think...

The vain and domineering Lioness has an enviable talent for inventing her own misfortunes. When her pride is hurt, she will not make any malicious plans, but will simply immediately express what she thinks about you and pout. The romantic Lioness often falls in love with men who don’t care about her at all. Having felt love from her partner, she can mercilessly abandon him... The Lioness modestly considers herself the center of the universe and her motto is simple - “You must come to me yourself.” She is very nervous about her appearance and would rather miss an important event than show up with a pimple. She is terrified of old age and reacts very painfully to every new microscopic wrinkle. Don’t even think about criticizing the Lioness!!! It will be worse for you... Do you want to please? Buy her some more expensive scrofula and tell her that she has the character (face) of an angel, that you don’t need anyone except her. Three or four days a week, the Lioness is “loaded” with depression, and the rest of the time she rightly considers herself a gift from fate for you, my friend.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Give Virgos freedom to criticize!!! Fact: some Virgos do not drink, believing that it is harmful to the liver.

They love to work, although the ultimate goal of work (and life) is vague; they love to read, immediately forgetting what they read. They don’t show their emotions, even if they have them, but when they are drunk, they will cry to you about their first love, who, naturally, was the strongest, the realest and most certainly unhappy, they will tell you fables from their lives, which they themselves seem to believe . It’s lucky that Virgos usually don’t become big bosses, because they have a cash register in their head and they only like to work until they’re exhausted. Women, be careful: sweet-tongued Virgos know When and What you need to say, but don’t be fooled, these are just manifestations of gallantry towards the entire female sex in general. Things usually don’t go beyond words. According to experienced women, sometimes among Virgos there are technical lovers and the romanticism in sex with him will be no less than in masturbation. Virgos also like to pretend to be just friends if things don’t work out.

Among the stubborn and self-confident Virgos there are many unmarried ladies, since it is difficult for them to find a person who matches their to the highest standards. Their favorite answer is an objection. The desire for purity is enhanced by the constant readiness to criticize you for your own good. However, Virgos are capable of sharing the roof with slackers and losers, with whom not a single decent Gemini would even sit at the table. (A constant object of criticism nearby?) Virgos have enough fantasy in sex for no more than three and a half poses, although they can be persuaded to do almost anything, thanks to the absence of complexes in this regard... Get to know a Virgo, at least to get to know yourself from the outside. And virgins are ready to fall in love with telegraph poles, while they themselves die of self-pity.

When the decision is made, there is simply no one more decisive than Libra, but usually it’s still too late. The phrase “All life is a theater, all people in it are actors” is about them playing their role even in complete solitude. It's easy to guess Libra by the dimples on their cheeks.

Libra men see through complex abstractions more easily than everyday life; they see all the shortcomings very well, but do not speak out loud about it. A woman who decides to make a scene for them may consider it won even before the start, due to the latter’s aversion to scandals... Even if they are right in the argument, they will not prove it, but most likely retreat, maintaining peace of mind. However, among women there is an opinion that Libra men are Hemorrhagic.

Since childhood, the Libra woman has been confident in her irresistibility and uniqueness. “Why do I, so beautiful and smart, need these unpleasant responsibilities, it’s beneath my dignity!” - she thinks, absentmindedly doubting. A sexual lover gets on her nerves over time, kissing, she looks at the landscape and gets a little bored, but if in at the moment there is no admirer - he is lost. Is she even interested in men, you ask? Yes. Interested. But mostly as admiring fans, spectators, or at worst listeners. When the proper applause is given on time, any ramblings of the roommate will be heard and sins forgiven. If it is inconvenient to introduce her man to acquaintances, then either he will have to find some kind of sluggish Pisces, or she will have to change her acquaintances. Moreover, she will also need to decide to hesitate. Don't give orders to Libra - it's useless. And don’t bother with questions - they are secretive and don’t really like to lie.

Scorpios (October 23 - November 22)
An interesting feature of Scorpios: what is considered a flaw in all people can be regarded as a great advantage and even be a source of pride.

The vindictive and narcissistic Scorpio struggles fiercely all his life, being active in sex until a very old age. Despising the snot of weaklings, he does not tolerate objections and excuses, actively showing his inappropriate enthusiasm. Never cries into his vest. Knowing everything in advance, he achieves success in any field, kicking the whiners and the insecure. Loyalty is an empty phrase, although he always takes care of his unhappy family. He doesn’t count money, but he remembers very well how many times they forgot to rejoice at his gift. To the pleasant traits you can also add stubbornness and inability to take other people’s opinions into account. In the middle of life, Scorpio men usually noisily divorce their exhausted wives. Enemies, do not expect forgiveness!!! Only death or failure will save you from the Evil Uncle Scorp...

The insidious Scorpio is depraved, despises tight-fisted gentlemen, and is demanding in the bedroom - it is difficult for lazy males to comply. She doesn’t make small talk with a loser who left her unsatisfied. It's funny that in her heart Scorpio is absolutely sure that other women in terms of sex are zero compared to her. That's why she gets so mad if they cheat on her, unless, of course, she doesn't care. Scorpio hates lies, although she herself will lie to you like crazy. She will, without hesitation, take her boyfriend or husband away from her unwary friend. To any new personality the reaction is something like: “Whose slave are you going to be?!” Scorpio's rage defies description - it needs to be seen, and if you like thrills, get angry. Some even marry them, it’s unclear what they’re hoping for...

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 20)
Fanaticism and modesty. I recommend reading Sagittarius’ opinions about themselves...

Sagittarians, fixated on work and career, are distinguished by an excellent barracks-like sense of humor and a medieval gallantry that is surprising in our time. Women praise passionate Sagittarius lovers for their sensitivity and ability to ignite the lights of the big city in a local bed. They actively despise female jealousy and do not miss a single skirt - of any age, appearance and behavior. Sagittarians love to talk about high topics and adore black clothes. They rarely drink (they mostly drink), and in their old age they write memoirs that are fictitious from cover to cover. Among the Sagittarius men, I most often came across those who were puffy, sweaty, and with faces that were useless to shave and scary to hit.

The Shooter woman is a Casanova in a skirt, carefreely moving from one man to another. She is vain and considers herself a sexual gift to a man. Without being ashamed, she will tell her lover about his predecessors, and if she is disappointed in him, she will say so without hesitation... It’s funny that men, as a rule, cheat on them with terrible force. A Sagittarius woman is the dream of a romantic or a pervert, because she is the way a man sees her, if of course she wants him.

Capricorns (December 21 - January 20)
Despots and tyrants, and if something happens, they also “load” to the fullest. Positive qualities: They will drive anyone crazy with their whining.

The Capricorn man is ambitious and lustful. Petty, but boring. He rightly considers all women slutty and actively prefers anal sex... Confident that he knows life 100 times better, he tirelessly picks our brains, teaching us what and how to do. When the teachings dry up, he can philosophize for hours on a wide variety of topics. He will pleasantly amaze you with his redneckness. Capricorn believes that the main goal of those around him is to complicate his already difficult life. If he is seriously offended by someone, this worthless little man will be deleted from the list forever. Forever. If you are lucky, you will definitely marry for convenience.

The complexed Capricorn is careful and outwardly keeps herself in control, but inside the fire of her passions rages. A suspicious, over-emotional person, a complete bundle of exposed nerves, constant mood swings. Once a week, a long, but very violent hysteria for release. She is not bored alone with herself, as she is constantly busy looking for problems where there are none. Either everything or nothing - this is the simple choice Capricorns present to us... They are deathly afraid of falling in love, looking forward to real feelings, but they often make mistakes in their choice. "I have to be myself!" - the calculating and prim Madame Capricorn repeats to herself. After numerous love affairs, she finally gets married, but she will never be completely satisfied. At times you hate her and, under the fire of her benevolent criticism, you slowly go crazy... The only female sign that cannot be persuaded at all.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Nervous Aquarians of both sexes fall into childhood unnoticed until a very old age.

Freedom-loving Aquarians are shy from a sexual perspective and expect the woman to make the first move. They say that in bed they don’t know basic things, and they don’t really strive for the heights of erotic art, they sniffle and grunt a lot at random, believing that this is how it should be, so the young ladies have to strain and teach the incompetent Aquarius... Sexual fantasies - above the roof, but energy burns out in masturbation, and if you're lucky, then in simple masturbation. They are always sad about something, they love clothes more than women... It is interesting that Aquarius’ sense of humor dominates over everyone else, which helps them out in such an unfortunate situation. By the way, Aquarius only likes “gentle girls with a pure soul”...

An embezzler and a hysterical Aquarius, she is malicious, but quick-witted, she loves to seduce and fight back, humiliating a person. She hates it when strangers look at her as a sex object, although eroticism is present everywhere for her, even in the way they hand her a coat. If you are with her for the first time today, it is unlikely that it will end in bed, but there is simply no better Friend for a man (almost anyone). If it’s really bad, she’ll give it and won’t even ask who you are or where you’re from. Aquarius does not object to men's work and (if need forces it) can easily work as a carpenter or driver; she does not like to cook, and especially not to cook. From her youth, she selects an impeccable companion, but gets married late, and the nationality, skin color or religion of her chosen one will surprise even Aquarius herself for many years. Of all his colorful (and expensive) wardrobe, he actively prefers jeans.

Pisces (February 19 - March 26)
Eccentrics with a well-spoken tongue and a cynical sense of humor. The decoration of the sign is “punctuality” and the ability to talk to oneself.

Embittered men of this sign do not like those who poke their noses at them with advice. Due to the lack of strong beliefs and secrecy, no one understands how they really relate to people and life (and do they relate at all?). Ordinary things (for example, tying shoelaces) seem to be painful responsibilities to Fish. Before lifting a finger, they may immerse themselves in long thoughts. It is believed that nosy fish men are good gentlemen who know how to show a woman how beautiful she is.

Pisces women live in a world of illusions and incessant chatter, putting up with the constant feeling of being betrayed. They are gentle sexual partners, but almost always with a “skeleton in the closet.” Don't lie to Pisces - they have crazy intuition. Others are an open book and Pisces have a great sense of humor about their problems. They are indifferent to alcohol, but still drink, although they are suspicious and always worry about their health.

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